OPERATION S.A.N.T.A
ancient tradition dictates i slide down a carbon-scored exhaust vent. inefficient. i prefer precision artillery.
i have locked onto your coordinates.
to correct your morale deficiency, i am deploying a $150+ barrage of complimentary gifts directly to your doorstep.
Secure your Order now to unlock Stacking Rewards ranging from a single mini to an entire elite strike force
Orbital Deployment Window Closes in:
DAYS
:
HRS
:
MINS
:
SECS
advistory: please reinforce your roof. the impact velocity of this much loot is significant.
ENDS 31 DEC
LEAVE OIL NOT MILK
NAUGHTY LIST = SERVITORIZATION
DECK THE HALLS WITH SKULLS
JOY IS MANDATORY
010010-010010-010010
LEAVE OIL NOT MILK
NAUGHTY LIST = SERVITORIZATION
DECK THE HALLS WITH SKULLS
JOY IS MANDATORY
010010-010010-010010
TACTICAL SEROTONIN PACKAGES
CAWL'S PRESCRIPTION: HIGHER SPEND = HIGHER DOPAMINE. REWARDS ARE CUMULATIVE.
CART PHASE 1: Serotonin
1x Space Marine Minis + 1x Enamel Pin
FREE WITH ORDERS > $60
Cawl's Diagnosis: "Simple creatures require simple stimuli. I have provided a shiny object and a toy. Attach the pin to your torso and simulate gratitude."
CART PHASE 2: DOPAMINE
2x Relic Terminators + Chapter Pin
FREE WITH ORDERS > $100
Cawl's Diagnosis: "Biological pets are inefficient; they require food and they die. Emotional Support Terminators are eternal. They will guard your feelings with storm bolters."
CART PHASE 3: ENDORPHIN
3x Elite Specialists + Purity Seal
FREE WITH ORDERS > $160
Cawl's Diagnosis: "The Flesh feels guilt. The machine does not. Affix this Purity Seal to your forehead and repeat "I needed this". The guilt will subside."
CART PHASE 4: EUPHORIA
Strike Force + Full Enamel Pin Set
FREE WITH ORDERS > $240
Cawl's Diagnosis: "The Flesh is weak, but your credit limit is strong. You have ascended. Wear your pins so the peasants know who you are."
ACCESS THE ARCHEO-VAULTS
Browse the Schematics. Selecting a designation reveals its associated weaponry and relics.
BLOOD ANGELS
Beautiful Armor. Shame about the genetic code.
DARK ANGELS
Robes over power armor? A tactical snagging hazard.
THE INQUISITION
Paranoia critical. Even your toaster is a suspect.
BLACK TEMPLARS
Chaining weapons to wrists implies poor grip strength.
ADEPTUS MECHANICUS
My own kin. Still worshipping toasters. Embarrassing.
ULTRAMARINES
I resurrected their Primarch. You are welcome.
DEATHWATCH
They destroy xenos tech. Wasteful.
GREY KNIGHTS
Fighting daemons with swords? Inefficient. Use a gun.
SPACE WOLVES
Canine DNA detected. They need a vet, not a Tech-Priest.
Free Ring not available
ASTRA MILITARUM
The Flesh is Weak. These ones are the weakest.
ADEPTUS CUSTODES
Masterwork biology. Wasted on guard duty.
Free Ring not available
IMPERIUM OF MAN
They hate innovation. I ignore their complaints.
WHITE SCARS
Optimal velcocity. Shame about the reckless driving.
IRON WARRIORS
Too many hazard stripes. Aesthetically offensive.
DEATH GUARD
Biological corruption detected. Incinerate immediately.
BLACK LEGION
Crusade success rate: 8%. Statistically unimpressive.
RAVEN GUARD
Pale skin. Brooding nature. They need sunlight.
SALAMANDERS
Obsessed with saving civilians. Compassion is a logic error.
Free Ring not available
orks
They paint it red to go faster. Physics does not work that way.
Free Ring not available
necrons
Trazyn is a thief. I am a researcher. There's a difference.
ADEPTA SORORITAS
Miracles are just physics I haven't explained yet.
FORGE WORLD EFFICIENCY
Prayer does not deliver packages.
Fuel and coordinates do. I have optimized both.
AUTOMATED GIFT DISPERSAL
Add any Combo, and a selector for your FREE Gifts materializes automatically.
WORLDWIDE DELIVERY VECTORS
Whether you reside in a Hive City or Feral World (Alaska/Hawaii), my Drop Pods will find you.
PRIMITIVE TAXES PRE-PAID
The bureaucrats have been bribed. The price you see is the price you pay.
SECURE
CHECKOUT
Your data is guarded by Magos-level firewalls. Your primitive credit chips are safe from scrap-code.
4,006 VERIFIED COLLECTORS
No coercion required. Purchasing was the only rational choice.
Read All Reviews
A machine is only as strong as its smallest cog. Do not neglect the details.
Common Primitive Inquiries (FAQ)
Most organic confusion is caused by user error. I have compiled this database so you stop pestering my servitors.
What is the current "Promotional" Campaign?
I have activated the S.A.N.T.A STC (Strategic Autonomous Neuro-Technical Assistant). My data is conclusive: Despair creates an opening for the Warp. A subject distracted by 'shiny objects' is 400% less likely to listen to the whispers of Chaos.
To secure your loyalty, I am deploying Tactical Serotonin Packages based on your requisition level:
Spend $60+ (Phase 1: Serotonin): Receive 1x Space Marine Minis + 1x Enamel Pin
Spend $100+ (Phase 2: Dopamine): Receive 2x Terminators + Chapter Icon Pin
Spend $160+ (Phase 3: Endorphin): Receive 3x Elite Warriors + Purity Seal
Spend $240+ (Phase 4: Euphoria): Strike Force (5-8 minis) + Collector's Pin Set
Any Combo: Gets a Free Ring + Purity Seal.
Rewards Stack. More Combos = More Rewards. If you qualify for Tier 4, you receive all previous rewards.
The Event terminates on Dec 31. Do not leave your soul unguarded.
Negative. It is your primitive browser technology that is failing the Omnissiah.
Critical: Freebies only appear if you add [ADD TO CART]. If you click [BUY NOW] or skip straight to Checkout, the Machine Spirit shrugs and leaves your cart bare.
Disable Pop-Up Blockers: They suppress the gift selector.
Try an "Incognito" Window: They bypasses corrupt cache data.
Use a Primary Terminal (Desktop): Mobile dataslates often lack the processing power to handle this much generosity.
What if I already paid and forgot to add the freebies I was entitled to?
Typical organic error. You were so eager to acquire the goods that you ignored the loot.
THE SOLUTION: Contact my support servitors at support@exterminatus.co immediately. If your shipment has not yet entered the Warp (shipped), we can manually insert the relics. If the transport has launched, you must live with your mistake. Move fast.
Do your rings come in Different Sizes? Will they fit me?
Most of the collection is forged at a standard US 9.5, utilizing an "Open-Loop" geometry - a crude but effective Mechanicus technique. The rings do not form a complete loop, allowing you to manually calibrate the fit by applying pressure with your own hand.
The Result: A fit molded not by machine, but by your own biological strength.
The Exceptions: Two rings possess Closed Loops (Fixed Size US 9.5) and cannot be adjusted.
1. Black Templars: Crusader's Vow Ring / 2. Blood Angels: Golden Dawn Ring
Will I be charged Imperial Taxes (VAT/Duties/Tariffs)?
Do not concern yourself with your primitive bureaucracy. I have bribed the relevant Planetary Governors.
All Taxes, VAT, and Import Duties have been pre-paid. The price you see is the price you pay. No surprises.
How long will Shipping Take?
We utilise drop pods for Global Distribution. Shipments are dispatched with extreme prejudice. While Warp Storms can cause minor delays, most acquisitions arrive within 7-14 Solar Days.
Can I use another Discount Code (e.g., Welcome Code) on top of this?
Affirmative. The threat of Chaos is infinite, therefore my resources must be infinite.
If you possess a Welcome Code or a Secret Key, you may stack it on top of the Project S.A.N.T.A rewards.
Do not question the economics. I manufacture these assets on Mars; your credits are merely data to me. Secure the loot before I recalculate the exchange rate.
I am still confused. My biological brain cannot process these instructions.
Do not distress Subject. I have anticipated the limitations of your flesh.
Solution: Direct your optical sensors to the Chat Construct in the bottom-right hand corner of your screen.
Protocol: Transmit your query. I have programmed a lobotomized servitor (customer support) specifically to handle your questions. It cannot feel pain, but it can answer your questions.